When Life Gives You Lemons (A Lesson in Thankfulness)

Since I can remember my life has been a series of deliveries of lemons. Particularly my adult life, I have always been a silver lining kinda gal and so I did as I always have done, when life sent its frequent deliveries of lemons,  I made lemonade to ensure life at least felt sweeter than the reality I was living.

Now something has happened that has thrown me for a loop. Life appeared to be sending me lemons once again at the end of last year but instead of me making the lemonade and trying to work towards a happier life I sat back, relaxed and trusted. This isn’t an easy thing for me to do.  I have a deep felt need to be in control of all aspects of my life. For example I hate other people driving whilst I’m a passenger I need the accelerator and the brakes please, not that I don’t trust you but I trust me more.

As I sat back, relaxed and trusted my life began to flow again. I rediscovered the love of my family who I moved away from 26 years ago. I realised how much I had missed them and recognised all the amazing qualities they possess that wow me everyday. I managed to get back in touch with old school and college friends who were friends because we made each other laugh, held each other when we cried and we friends for friends sake not because we could advance each other’s careers or fulfil any other function than just being together.

Now these things were a bonus they made relaxing and going with the flow seem worth it, but the thing that has really thrown me for a loop is meeting someone who at first glance looked as if we would just be good friends. We could make each other laugh, we had so much history in common it seemed funnier than the jokes we shared. Our paths have crossed so much in the past 45 years it almost seemed like the Universe was playing a game seeing if we could spot one another before It instigated our meeting.

I am a big believer in soul mates, but I have never been a believer that I needed someone to complete me or that I have a missing part that needs to be filled by someone else.  I have always believed that soul mates should make you better by inspiring you and supporting you, as you do for them. They are an amazing addition to the whole you that makes you shine, makes your heart sing and makes you see why all the lemons delivered so far have been there to pave the way to how life is supposed to be.

I am so grateful for the loop I have been sent. He is what people call a “Good Man” but that does not even come close to describing him. He is an Amazing Man, a Generous Man and someone I feel so at peace with everyday feels bright and full of possibilities. So Universe Thank You for all the lemons, Thank You for all my lessons, and Thank You for my Amazing Man I love getting to smile everyday and  that I am sharing my life with him.

 

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Passion, When Did You Discover It?

Passion, When Did You Discover It?

When you think of passion what do you think of? Do you imagine lovers entwined, or excitement at your team winning, or just the plain old feeling of being thrilled?

Passion to me does not mean just in the sexual passion, it means heart soaring, euphoric light headedness, the “where has this been all of my life?” feeling. I knew from the moment I discovered it that if I read, or wrote or did something that made me feel this way it was one of the things that I needed in my life.

I can remember exactly when I first discovered passion I was one of the lucky ones I discovered passion at the age of 16. I was sat in an English Literature class and studying Metaphysical Poets…wow I can hear you say, how on earth did that make you realise what passion was about?

Well you see I discovered John Donne, a man whose life was as varied as it was full. He was a womaniser, a soldier, a priest and he wrote the most amazing poetry based upon all of these things. His poem The Good Morrow was the catalyst for me recognising the passion in my life.

I can remember the first time I taught a yoga class to class of 30 2 year olds at a nursery school. Whilst the class progressed I was completely absorbed in the centre of our little universe where we travelled on our adventure and the children used their imaginations to make our journey alive and vibrant. I soared on the smiles and thanks of the teacher and children as they put aside real life for just 45 minutes and focused completely on breath and joy. As I left the Nursery I felt as if I walked on air and floated to my car with a huge grin on my face and my heart singing.

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That day I realised that the activities I should be doing in life should always make me feel this way. When you discover what makes you feel like this you have found one of your purposes in life. It may be that you go to the gym and after every session where you have pushed yourself a little further you feel that soaring. Or maybe you find that when you draw a picture the world outside melts away and you feel peace inside. It could be the sales job you do that even the prep for your sale feels like it makes life worthwhile.

SO what has made you feel this way recently? When you find it you will ask why it has taken you so long to discover this one thing. Don’t ponder too long, don’t question why or where or how, dive in enjoy and accept. And never settle for one passionate heart soaring moment we are multifaceted beings, discovering all our shining sides is part of our purpose.

The Good-Morrow

BY JOHN DONNE

I wonder, by my troth, what thou and I

Did, till we loved? Were we not weaned till then?

But sucked on country pleasures, childishly?

Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers’ den?

’Twas so; but this, all pleasures fancies be.

If ever any beauty I did see,

Which I desired, and got, ’twas but a dream of thee.

 

And now good-morrow to our waking souls,

Which watch not one another out of fear;

For love, all love of other sights controls,

And makes one little room an everywhere.

Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone,

Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown,

Let us possess one world, each hath one, and is one.

 

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,

And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;

Where can we find two better hemispheres,

Without sharp north, without declining west?

Whatever dies, was not mixed equally;

If our two loves be one, or, thou and I

Love so alike, that none do slacken, none can die.

Source: The Norton Anthology of Poetry Third Edition (1983)

Slow Down You’re Going Too Fast

I woke up with the realisation this morning that the sense of anxiety I am feeling is not just to do with my life turning upside down, it is to do with my need to have everything sorted immediately.
You know that feeling you get when you start a job and the day dream turns to the promotion or company car when in reality you have only just set foot in the door. Or when you book your holiday and you are already running through scenarios in your head of what each place will feel or smell like and how you will be happy then.
I know I need to let go and all will turn out ok. I also know I need to be kinder to myself and let myself mourn the loss of previous hopes and dreams whilst making baby steps towards my new life. But it is hard, I want to be loved, have my own home, be running a successful business, all whilst being an amazing Mum. What my ego doesn’t want to accept is that this will take time.
I am a very feet first sort of gal, to the point where I rush head long into situation and only realise how miserable I am after it is impossible to back pedal. But this morning I awoke knowing that this time I have been given an amazing opportunity. I have been given a roof over my head, food in my belly and the love of my amazing family so that I can this time look and see what I really want and really need. I have the time to build my business, look for a little extra part time work in a field I love and take the time to gentle build up friendship and love with new people in my life.
SO today I will take baby steps as the gorgeous Heather Bestel advised in her video blog this week. I will set up my business systems, call my inspirational coach, Jo, and start creating slowly a new fantastic life.
Time to slow down, breathe and let go.

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A Lesson Learned..Hello 2014

Well 2014 arrived, and I was still trying to sort out the mess from 2013. I don’t think I’m the only one, I think lots of people want a fresh start as a New Year is welcomed in with alcohol and singing and most likely a stonker of a hangover, but they also find that bits of the messy thing we call life are carried into the New Year.

2013 was a really difficult year for me. It started with the collapse of a relationship, homelessness, no job, no money and a child that needed support as the rug was pulled from under us.

Gradually as the year progressed I started to rebuild a life. I got a good job, my son was happier and then as it always does the pull of my old life appeared. A very close friend of mine wisely said, don’t go back, leave the past in the past, keep moving forward. But you know how it is, the remnants of love, the want to be back and stable and happy in the home you thought you would be in for a very long time.

So I stepped back. Now this was not easy, there was hurt and distrust to overcome but you know what, if  you cover your ears and lalala instead of listen to your instinct then guess what? Yep thats right you just do it.

I cut myself off from the nay sayers, I decided if they couldn’t support me I would do this alone. I wanted to be 100% present and positive in my choice.

So the end of 2013 arrived. All the stress I had buried, all the worry I had ignored, all those voices from my instinct decided it was time to burst out. I started to get panic attacks, I felt sick, I cried all, and I mean ALL the time. The doctor offered counselling, I went to one session and decided I didn’t want to dig any deeper, I didn’t want to find what was buried in the true reality.

The end of 2013 was a big bad wake up call. All the worries and fears were realised, once again I was on the verge of losing my home, and I had no-one to blame. You see I ignored my instinct throughout 2013, I knew that something was up. I had avoided people I knew would support me but only after saying “we told you so”.

SO  the decision has been made, I am moving home to my parents. 46 years old and living at home, hhhmmm that wasn’t really in my life plan. But you know what was in my life plan, working for a company whose ideals I love, writing more and more and being surrounded by people I love and who care for me no matter what.

Life, The Universe, “God”…however you view it just had to wait for me to stop being so stubborn and turn up for my life, for me to take responsibility for the part I have played, to release the blame and anger for others parts in my poor choices, then and only then can I move forward and thrive.

SO HELLO 2014, I’m ready for my life now